B+ On My Expository II Essay :-)

I was so excited yesterday when I got my essay back. I was so stressed just waiting. Here's the essay I wrote:

Imagine: Americans as Foreigners


Foreigners from developing countries like Guyana, Nigeria, and Mexico are not welcome in America. Foreigners look to America as a place where they can have more opportunity to build better lives for themselves and their families, yet the America they arrive to is not the America they envisioned. Adult Americans turn their noses up at adult foreigners, while American children make the lives of foreign children miserable. America may be the land of opportunity now, but with countries like China quickly emerging as new economic powers, Americans will have to face the decision to leave America to follow opportunity elsewhere. Now is the time for Americans to become more empathetic towards foreigners in order to survive as foreigners.

Imagine upon entering a new country, having your expectations about that country crumble. In 1985, at the age of eleven, Lance and his family moved from Guyana, located in South America, to New York City, which is where his grandmother had already been living for twenty years. His grandmother’s home was basically the starting point for all of her family that wanted to start a new life in America. At the time Lance and his family moved in, there were about 20 people in the household. Lance remembers his grandmother in New York sending clothes to his family in Guyana. He could remember how new the clothes smelled and associated that new smell with America. Before moving to America, Lance had fantasized that America would be a beautiful place with nice, clean streets, and hospitable people. Instead, he and his family were met by the filthy streets of New York’s slum area and rude people with whom he had to fight with in order to gain the respect he deserved as a human being.

What if your child had to face cruelty from his or her peers on a daily basis? In 1987, Yugochi, an African immigrant from Nigeria, entered the first grade at Bancroft Elementary in Kansas City Missouri. She was definitely different from the other children. Her English was highlighted by her African accent, her hair was short and kinky, not pressed or relaxed like most African Americans girls wore their hair at the time, and her clothes looked as if they came from a thrift shop. Everyday, Yugochi would endure some type of harassment, surprisingly from African American students. The cruel children would often taunt Yugochi by singing hurtful rhymes like, “Black girl black girl how you shine, you have naps on your head like Frankenstein!” or “Look at the sky, what do you see? A little black n**** trying to hypnotize me!” Everyday, this is the type of cruel treatment that Yugochi endured.

Think of the arrogance you may face just because you do not speak the native tongue well. A dating couple decides to go out to eat at El Maguey’s, a Mexican restaurant in Grandview Missouri. As soon as they enter they are greeted promptly and treated with the greatest hospitality. “Welcome to El Maguey’s, smoking or non smoking?” The gentleman replies non smoking, even though he does smoke, but he is trying to impress his date. The waiter leads the couple to their table and provides them with their menus. “What would you like to drink?” “Water for me” says the gentleman. “I will have the same” says the young lady. After looking over their menus, the couple is ready to order. The waiter that returns to their table is a different waiter. “Are you ready to order?” The gentleman goes first, “Yes, I would like a steak fajita, but can you add mushrooms to that, and leave out the bell peppers?” The waiter, seemingly not able to understand, politely asks the gentleman to repeat his order. The gentleman, in the same fast pace as before, but with a more agitated tone, repeats, “I said, I would like a steak fajita, but can you add mushrooms to that and leave out the bell peppers?” Still unable to understand, the waiter excuses himself to get assistance. As the waiter leaves, the man mumbles, “Learn some damn English”.

America will not be the land of opportunity forever. China’s economy is growing at a very fast rate (Friedman 34). Ambitious leaders like Xia Deren, the Mayor of China’s Dalian, look forward to China becoming the next economic power, possibly within the next century (Friedman 33). The Mayor of Dalian stated, “The rule of the market economy is that if somewhere has the richest human resources, and the cheapest labor, of course the enterprises and the businesses will go there” (Friedman 36). If this is the case, then the people will follow.

America will not stay on top forever. Dalian Mayor Xia Deren implies this in the following statement: “Today, the U.S., you are the designers, the architects, and the developing countries are the bricklayers for the buildings. But one day I hope we will be the architects” (Friedman36). Now is the time for Americans to start putting themselves in the shoes of foreigners that come to America, because soon, Americans will become foreigners, possibly in China. So Americans, learn some damn Chinese.

Works Cited
Friedman, Thomas L. The World is Flat: A Brief History of the Twenty-First Century. Updated and Expanded Edition. NY: Farrar, Straus, and Giroux, 2006.

The issues this essay had, according to my Professor, is that there were no topic sentences at the beginning of a couple of paragraphs, the thesis was not strong enough, and the use of 2nd person. Out of 50 points, I scored 43 points. I am sooooooo Happy!!!!!!!